People, it seems, are getting a little fed up with the current series of I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here, with the suggestion made that certain contestants don’t really seem cut out for the show.
This is a little surprising, as one poor contestant, Helen Flanagan, surely fits the bill? She was once a soap actress, she winds people up a bit and, crucially, spends a lot of her time wearing small bikinis.
I would have thought that made Helen – who as Coronation Street’s Rosie Webster turned from a rather clever goth to an empty headed aspiring model with alarming speed – perfect for the show.
Reality shows featuring B list celebrities have been around for quite some time now.
Perhaps instead of television series full of minor celebrities, we should produce a show featuring celebrity miners?
Find a disused coal mine – and let’s be honest, there are a few knocking around – set up a few cameras, call a few agents and, hey presto, you’ve got a reality television show that Channel 5 would pick up quicker than Stephen Fry could say something clever.
There could be a wide range of tasks for the contestants with varying degrees of difficulty.
From ‘strike breaking’, where a contestant is locked in a coach as the other angry ‘miners’ shout abuse and bang on the windows; to ‘police brutality’, where one celebrity has to run a gauntlet of waving truncheons, the potential for tough trials is limitless.
So who to invite?
Obviously, we need an actor/actress who has recently left a soap opera and is currently waiting for the film deal to drop through the letter box, mostly while wearing not many clothes.
Then we need a singer from a band that used to be a lot more relevant. I believe Mick Jagger’s a bit tied up for a few weeks, so maybe Cheryl Cole could give it a go.
For a bit of retro mining action, perhaps we could engage Keith Harris and Orville to perform the canary test each day.
Of course, it is obligatory to have a ‘celebrity’ whose actual fame comes from being in another reality show and subsequently appearing on the arm of a famous footballer at various nightclubs. It would be unfair to argue that Cheryl ticks this category; or Tulisa, for that matter.
Chances are, though, there will be someone from TOWIE desperate enough to do it.
A politician who is looking to carve out a media career is a must. As is someone the public once held in contempt but may possibly have warmer feelings for with the passage of time.
There’s a certain ex-prime minister who could fit the bill on both counts, if only because it would be a headline-writer’s gift to be able to write ‘Major to miner’.
Naturally, a fading sports star who never misses an opportunity to search out the spotlight would complete the bill.
You probably wouldn’t even need to ask John Terry; he’d already be there with his miner’s helmet on.
Alternatively, of course, you could invite a lot of celebrities, send them down a mine with Arthur Scargill for a month and just forget to film it. I’m sure we could all think of people to take part in that.
Follow Paul Speller on Twitter: @Norbertsdad
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