Wellies don’t help with depth perception: more man-to-man advice from father to son

Son, it’s been a couple of weeks since our last man-to-man discussion, when it was you doing the talking.

So I think it is only right that I keep up with my fatherly responsibilities and impart some more advice of my own. Some of it relates to nursery once more, although you are clearly finding it to your liking, and other tips are about life in general.

Wellies. Brilliant, aren’t they? But they don’t really assist with depth perception, I’ve noticed. Please take time to study whether the puddle you are about to jump in is actually a water-filled pothole.

Musical Chairs. Having watched  you in action during this regular, high-octane nursery contest, I have a couple of observations. Now the nights are drawing in and, as this is an end of the day activity, try to resist the temptation of staring at your reflection in the window each time you go past – it means you lose focus. Also, when the lady who is leading you all around the chairs steps out and heads towards the CD player, get ready: the music is about to stop.

Competitiveness. While there’s nothing wrong with playing to win I have to say that, during the above mentioned competition, you were lucky to get away with that gentle shove, somewhat akin to Luis Suarez on Richard Ramires, when the music stopped during one round. Your rival player appeared oblivious, but that’s not the point. If instant replays had been available, you’d have been disqualified and rightly so. Remember, pushy people aren’t very popular. On the other hand, the way in which you nipped in behind two others having a stand off to take the last remaining chair, in another round, was laudable.

Hide and seek. You will enjoy greater success in this game if you learn to refrain from shouting your precise location as soon as I have completed my count to ten.

Birthday parties. It was a big moment, recently, when for the first time ever you attended a party and didn’t shout ‘stop singing’ during a rendition of Happy Birthday. I look forward, with interest, to your first carol concert.

Dressing up. After it took a great deal of convincing and a last minute change from pirate to doctor before attending the nursery fancy dress day, I am reluctant to discourage your wish to reprise the role on other days. But please don’t be too upset if you ever find out that I didn’t really need the plastic stethoscope for an important medical mission of my own.

Bean Bag Boogie.  A quality song. Please find out from the staff at nursery where I can get hold of a copy. I can’t ask; I’d lose credibility.

Plasticine. Less edible than play-dough.

Electricity. That ladybird torch where I told you the battery had run out….Your mother has explained to me that it’s powered by clockwork. No need to dwell on that.

Career choice. We have previously discussed the options of being a train driver and an artist. Clearly magician is another possibility. I wonder if Derren Brown could explain how it is you can make chocolate buttons disappear from underneath plastic cups.

Follow Paul Speller on Twitter: @Norbertsdad

MORE ARTICLES BY PAUL SPELLER

Son, it’s time we had a man-to-man chat about nursery

Daddy, it’s time we had another chat about nursery

Speaking up for CBeebies

The telltale signs your toddler is growing up

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About Paul Speller

Writer, journalist, husband, dad.
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5 Responses to Wellies don’t help with depth perception: more man-to-man advice from father to son

  1. Nick Yates says:

    Rarely have I read such a humorous piece – more please

  2. Pingback: Forget bendy buses, Segways on seafront could lead to return of transport heyday | Paul Speller

  3. Pingback: Don’t show any fear: how to survive a pre-school trip | Paul Speller

  4. Pingback: I don’t really have to tidy my room for Santa to visit do I? A man-to-man discussion about Christmas | Paul Speller

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