It’s not true that they don’t do irony in the USA.
How else can we explain the fact that Mitt Romney is the Republican candidate for president? A man whose idea of an election campaign is to have an ageing actor talking to an empty chair and to alienate almost half of your electorate – with his infamous “47 per cent” quote – by saying they don’t matter?
It’s not true David Cameron favours cronies to a fault, in fact his judgement of character is second to none.
It must be second to none, because not one other person spotted the value of keeping Andy Coulson in a job. While anyone who had followed any events in the UK media in the past 15 years was dropping their bacon sandwich at the thought of former News of the World editor getting a senior PR role in Cameron’s Tory party – and skeletons were fighting to escape the News International closet – Dave knew better and ploughed ahead, despite the warnings that the phone tapping scandal that was to escalate from a dripping tap to a tsunami. Just as Dave knew that there could not possibly be any damage to his standing by remaining an ally of News International darling Rebekah Brooks when everyone else was just waiting for her fall from grace. We must accept that David Cameron is, in fact, a genius. No one else could succeed in making Boris Johnson look a serious proposition for the Conservative Party leadership.
It’s not true that Manx politicians are taking the mickey, they just know more about finances than the public.
Yes, that’s right. They know better. Why else would they drag their feet before expecting undying gratitude when finally deigning to make a contribution to pensions (although as it’s voluntary, it’s emerged five haven’t). They also knew better when describing as a ‘pay cut’ the move to consolidate an unaudited lump sum expense account – without any need to account for how the money is spent – by adding it to their salary. Their argument was that, even though this actually increased their salary, it amounted to a pay cut because it was now taxable (rather missing the point that when it was an expense account it should not have been regarded as part of their salary). Clearly the public, feeling a little aggrieved that they are expected to face benefit cuts, a reduction in education services, closures in care homes and so on, are wrong when they suggest that Members of Tynwald aren’t really feeling the pain of an economic situation which, while in part due to factors beyond the Manx politicians’ control, is probably a lot worse due to previous complacency. It’s the public’s failure to understand that MHKs only have job security for five years, which is why the pension scheme remains extremely favourable. Because everyone else out there has job security for a much longer term, don’t they?
It’s not true that Andrew Mitchell MP is an idiot, we’ve got it all wrong
That’s right, his verbal abuse of police officers tasked with maintaining security at Downing Street, when they had the temerity to tell him the correct gate to go through, is not that important. The Conservative Party chief whip has explained that his abuse and his subsequent challenging of the account of his calling the officers ‘f…ing plebs’ has been blown out of proportion. So that’s alright then. Don’t worry, David Cameron doesn’t always seem too bothered about people not having due respect for the law (see above).
It’s not true that Nick Clegg is a waste of space, he is a very useful chap.
Useful, that is, to the Conservative Party. For years we ridiculed the Liberal Democrats for having a holier than thou approach to politics and policy making, safe in the knowledge the party would never be called upon to actually back up its pledges; due to the fact it was never going to win an election. Suddenly, when asked to form a coalition government with Cameron’s Tories, however, we were impressed at how quickly university tuition fees went up, against a promise made by the LibDems. Since then, Clegg and the Liberal Democrats have performed a useful buffer against criticism of the Conservative Party. The Labour Party won’t be too upset with the LibDems, either, given that the past couple of years have demonstrated that the Liberal Democrats are just as hypocritical, self-serving and opportunistic as are politicians from the two bigger political parties in the UK.
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